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Adrienne Marre Brown - Bayo Akomolafe - Emma - Alethea - inspiration

The following text was written as words for my website About page... a little while ago... it suited my frame of mind and the shape I was in that day... and now feels more at home here as a blog post... still very much about me... and the me that is me is only me as a result of fortuitously bumping into some wonderful and kind people... thanks and respect to Adrienne... Bayo... Alethea and Emma... and all those others... been and yet to come.


Aware that this space exists for me to offer you information… about getting in touch and offering to pay me for somatic coaching sessions, somatic body work and/or facilitation.
.. I maybe should do that… however, I just… got... this... what am I really about… vibe... and this... is what turned up.






I am about this... writing... sharing... lingering in the silences of what I don't know (*) ... sitting with my monsters… my pasts… contemplating the information they whisper to me... feeling my futures informing me... composting... digesting... absorbing... all the questions both my past and future offer me.






Monsters appear from all those moments of self doubt... should I climb this tree... jump from this wall... go over and speak to that girl that grabs my attention with her smiling self confidence... the voices that point out to me that I should have known better... they warn me to be more cautious... they aim to protect me... from injury... from shame... from humiliation.

Although they are well meaning and care about me... they limit me... they reduce my capacity for connection... and without connection I return to dust... I cease to be... thank you for aiming to protect me my monsters... lets work this out between us and reset our ability to manage risk of harm and need for connection.


These monsters wriggle and squirm with that which I have repressed... is it repression that monsters them... is it being witness to the choices I make that monsters them... is it being dragged through the narrowed focus of modernity... leaving behind the ancient hard earned wisdoms... that monsters them... when I ask them all my questions... they evade answers... they may say... yes and no... or... who knows... sometimes they say things like... it is because the world is round... it is because the sky is blue... and they swap my simple questions... replacing them in my lap... where the questions wriggle and squirm... exuding sensuous opportunities for entanglement with otherness... other... that I may in different circumstances... look away from and dismiss as irrelevant. 
 When I linger with the monsters... trembling... barely able to look at them... and I give my monsters space and genuine attention... they howl... grind teeth and cajole... they prod and protest... but when I manage this opening of my heart to them... then my pasts become present… my futures join us.


From here I can re-member my pasts… I can re-call my futures.
 Monsters enable me to tear apart those haunting stories... those voices that follow me into my troubled sleep.

When I accommodate them... digest them... here in this present space… entangling them with my pasts and futures… they all be-come home with me... to me. 





In this space... this home... co-created by my pasts... my futures... my present... this can happen... being... doing... wilding... emotioning... becoming... emerging... falling apart... rupturing... returning.
 In this ruptured space... I may re-pair with the ancient distant voices of my ancestors... hear from those yet to come... accessing through what ever offers portals... cracks... incongruities... contra-dictions and paradoxes... leading ever deeper... darker... both terrifying and liberational.






This is arising… from those depths… new questions... openings… opportunities... making homes... within this space with porous boundaries... semi permeable edges... this messy entangled space… where we all exist… me and my fellow somanauts of human and non human stock… expressing our creative energies… where I / We may identify as community... as home.








This is what I am about... looking... listening... using senses I have no names for... sharing... re-covering... asking questions... commuting to and from my lower/deeper… earthy... beginnings... re-membering... sensuously relishing my entanglements. 






This is for me... also a little… for you… offered in case it offers up noises from within... from your own corporeal embedded monsters.

Go silent... see what turns up... unearths... go beyond evaluation... listen... not to me... linger with your own sense of home making... I am sure what you find... will be your own this. Now for the libation stuff… my offering to some of the multitude that I am inspired by and stealing from… this writing today is heavily influenced by my current deep reading of a book called;

These Wilds Beyond Our Fences (*) written by Bayo Akomolafe.

Published by North Atlantic books with a forward by Charles Eisenstein.

Subtitled Letters to my Daughter on Humanities search for Home.

Without all those people… and the bacteria in my gut and the lunch I ate a couple of hours ago… this would not be this… it would be another this.


For more from Bayo click here; Gratitude.

Shout out to Alethea.


I came across Bayo via a mention from Adrienne Maree Brown... thanks to her for indirectly opening up these new perspectives.

Thanks Emma for messaging me with your heart based wisdom and golden magic… while I was mid way through this piece... unknowing that it would propel me deeper than I am able to go alone.


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